Married to Sikh? Are you in love with Sikh?

I wanted to start this discussion long time ago. I had many people coming on my blog Gora Sikh to ask for advice, to discuss this topic.

Myself, I'm happily married to Sikh and into Sikhism. Had some ups and downs but I know that there are many people who have problems (especially family problems) where one side doesn't accept other side.

Why? I never could understand that?

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I know the ups and downs very well. For a belief system which tells us "we are all made of the same clay, we all become the same dust", I have had much trouble understanding the objections of the family and community at large which have made life so difficult - to the extent that our relationship remained a secret for years, and then incurred the wrath of many when we "came out".

I cannot change the fact that I have fair skin and that my ancestors were not Indian, or Indo-Aryan. It would help at least, if those who lead the congregations at Gurdwara at least assisted those who have a love of Ek Onkar, rather than supporting racist factions and individuals within the community. I made myself eternally unpopular for reminding someone why there are four doors!

No disrespect to any race personally, I have faced similar issues from my parents but later they changed their mind.  However things didn't worked out afterwards with the girl (that's a different story).  The mentality of Punjabis parents about western girls/boys is that majority of people from west have a way of life different than Punjabi traditions. The westerners per them choose to be in a relation for their own selfish and material goals.  They change their partners like they are wearing clothes and they want new ones frequently.  The rate of divorces in west is high and such a life style have imbedded negative thoughts about westerners in general. And its hard to convert this mentality due to years of treacherous regime of Brits in Punjab. Where they used Sikhs to win wars and dumped them when Sikhs needed them the post, e.g post independence Sikh massacres.

All I can say is hang in there and be motivated, things heal with time.  I believe this reply is coming after many year.  I pray things had worked out well for you.

There is a fighter in you and I'm happy to hear that. I hope it won't stop you loving and embracing Sikhi. From comments left on my blog and emails received, I noticed that there are always people who forgot what Sikhi is about and it's basics. EVERYONE IS EQUAL.

OmDan said:

I cannot change the fact that I have fair skin and that my ancestors were not Indian, or Indo-Aryan. It would help at least, if those who lead the congregations at Gurdwara at least assisted those who have a love of Ek Onkar, rather than supporting racist factions and individuals within the community. I made myself eternally unpopular for reminding someone why there are four doors!

Danka, I really love this quote it made me smile. For the hardest parts is trying to breakdown the stereotypes my partners parents have about western women.. most are in regards to 'loose morals' 'divorce' and a lack of 'willingness' to embrace or understand Sikhism and Punjabi culture. Yes, I am fair skinned and this is something I cannot change, but I do not fall into these stereotypes. I am working hard to learn the language and customs so I can present myself well to them. The two biggest battles I face, is that we are in Australia and they are in India, due to visa restrictions we cannot travel to India for 2 years so our meetings are down via skype and phone and this is particularly stress for myself and them as my partner has to translate due to language barriers, I feel like its impossible to really know someone or judge them if you have never really met them in person. The second BIG issue is that I am our Maori decent (Indigenous to New Zealand) and as part of my culture we get many tattoos. I am heavy tattooed and whilst my parents and partner completely accept this and its very accepted in Australia to be tattooed, his parents are family despise tattoos. I am always respectful and cover them when we skype and would always cover them in their presence, especially in India, but next year they are travelling to Australia to meet my family and I can't cover them in front of my family as it would be disrespectful but not covering them would be disrespectful to his family..  I am also very proud of my tattoos as they tell the story of me, my family and my culture... I am just not sure how to tackle this issue as I don't want to hurt or offend anyone. 

WaheGuru Ji Ka Khalsa,
WaheGuru Ji Ki Fateh.

If a Gora Sikh falls in love with a Gori Sikhni or the vice-versa i am sure there won't be an issue at all. The issue arises when a white person falls in love with a Sikh of Indian Punjabi background. The Indian family system is such that they don't easily accept a new member in their family if he/she is not of their religion/nationality. This has continued from generations upon generations. Since i am an Indian and single too, i do understand what goes behind the minds of the parents when they think of their child's marriage. Indians have always looked at westerners who are not true to their religion and not commited to their married life which actually is not true. Yes, because of the increasing number of divorce cases in the western countries, to some extent it is true but at the same time what Indians need to see is that in their own country, divorce cases are increasing slowly but steadily. There are number of cases in India where parents have married their children in their same caste and religion yet such a marriage failed to succeed. So, ultimately what is more important is the couple's firm commitment to give 100% of their's to the cause of their marriage.

My advise to my western friends is especially if you are a white woman in love with an Indian Sikh man is first to ask your man to answer very honestly to you about his parents' opinion about such a mixed marriage and then decide how far you can take your relationship ahead and if your boyfriend says yes that his parents are open and not against such a relationship then please try to gain more knowledge about Sikhism through books and Sikh friends and also through net so that when you present yourself in front of his parents it would be like icing on the cake.

WaheGuru Ji Ka Khalsa,
WaheGuru Ji Ki Fateh.

Amarjit, I don't know if that's really good advice to give a westerner. You're implying that if the parents are against it, you shouldn't even bother, which is quite sad. I could never take that advice from you. As a westerners perspective, i'm marrying my bf, not his parents. 

 

OmDan, Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. I feel your pain since my relationship is in the quiet aswell right now. How did you go about approaching his family? Were they really mean to you?

 

Danka, Love the saying. I wish more people believed in it. 

I have been married for 12 years with a Singh. We have to beautiful daughters. Sadly, due to his mental illness, we are now separated and will be divorced I April.

I am so sorry about that. What kind of mental illness does he have? 

Sikhism always give preference to married life and there should be no contradiction on moral value if they are from differ community. And shouldnot force to change the religion.marriage always stand on love,faith &understanding as i consider not on community

@arvinder, I agree with you, but it's not always a case.

waheguru ji will give evryone whatever you want  please dont fight . there are lot of families in india it depends person to person . our family is open and we welcome any religion girl wheteher is it white / black or whatever .  I personally have lot of white friends wherever country i travelled and they love having punjabi friend in the end of the day your ethos is what you are here for , for that its all about your parents teachings or your upbringing matters .

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